I realized that I am stick-a-fork-in-me-done.  Burnt.  Fried.  Just before I left for sabbatical, my boss looked at the lengthy list of items my sabbatical coverage was assuming responsibility for.  She gasped and stated, “You are going to kill yourself trying to bring social computing to (this company).”  Well unfortunately it isn’t an open and closed case.  Being a practitioner of enterprise 2.0 means that my wardrobe now includes fashionista flak jackets. My “hit the bottom” ah-ha moment ultimately arrived when I recently sat down and drew a map of who and what gets a piece of me.  My pie had work taking up 50% of the pie. I think a bit of denial comes out in this one- reality is probably 60%.

How I am divided up today

My husband is shouting from the roof top to everyone he encounters that he is” not exaggerating….my wife works at least 60 hours a week.”  But that isn’t the whole story.  I am a mother of a 2-1/2 year old and 4 year old trying to find balance in raising small children, being a good wife, giving back to the community, staying connected with friends at the same time having a fulfilling career.  Oh, and  I am fighting a daily “change agent” battle at work, putting dinner on the table, paying bills and keeping the house clean too.    Notice I didn’t even include in the list – “me”.  Time for a manicure?  Hahahahaha – you should be a comedian.  So is this “woe me” so unique to me?  No.  And this is the problem.  I am not alone in the quest for work & life balance as a working mom.   My role model mother lived the same craziness, I just didn’t realize how crazy until now.  Yes- I have become my mother!

Balance.  Let me burst the bubble right now.  There isn’t balance.  Don’t even think you can get it.  It doesn’t exist.  What there is though, is a life that is lived with purpose and priorities placed front and center.  My anthesis of what I am actually doing. So I am changing my focus during sabbatical.  I am not going to write about practicing 2.0.  For at least another month I will be writing about what I am learning on sabbatical.  Once I get back to work, I will re-enter the world of social computing and you will hear about my experiences.  But I am going to mix in my progress towards sanity and living my priorities.  Hopefully I will be able to become a practitioner of both enterprise 2.0 and healthy working mom habits. Let the journey begin.